The LIVE SOUND MIXING
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The following is a distillation of car name acronyms gathered from many sources. If you have a good one that you'd like to add, Email me at: (you'll need to type this by hand as I'm trying to reduce my robot gathered spam)
ALFA: Aging Latin Fuckwit's Ambulance. Thanks Anthony
ASTON MARTIN: A Silly Toy Of Neurotic Middle Aged Rich Toffs Investing Needlessly
AUDI: Another Useless Deutsche Invention. Obviously written by someone with first hand experience - maybe someone who had one rust away into brown air in the 70's?
BMW: Bought My Wife; Brings Me Women; Big Money
Waster; Broke My Wallet; Babe Magnet Wannabe, and LOTS more.
There's a certain commonality of theme though, insinuating
that Bavarian Motor Werken cars are expensive to run and
bought by shallow image conscious airheads (See pic
CADILLAC: Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars. Nuff said?
CHEVROLET: Chevrolet's not a common Aussie brand so one example will do - Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips. There are heaps more for those who are interested, second in popularity only to Ford (see below)
CHRYSLER: Can't Have Refund, You're Stuck Leasing Edsel's Replacement. A clever one, but I'm sure most Valiant owners would prefer this one - Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair!
DODGE: Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere. I've got one and every word is true! And how about - Dad's Old Dead Garage Experiment. And - Don't Over Drive Gutless Engines. Thanks for that one, Tanner, but how can you say the 426 Hemi is Gutless?
EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks. More to add to the Edsel's woes
FIAT: Failed Italian Automotive Technology, Feeble Italian Attempt (at) Transportation; or the well known favourite - Fix It Again Tony!
FORD: Of all car names, Ford has the most entries - three complete pages full on one site: Fix Or Repair Daily; Fast Only Rolling Downhill; First (or Fails) On Race Day; Found On Road Dead (thanks Sameer P): Funding Our Retirement Daily (from a mechanic`s point of view); and perhaps best of all: Driver Returning On Foot (Ford spelled backwards!)
GMC: Greatest Made Chevy (thanks Roger S)
HOLDEN: Holes, Oil Leaks, Dents, Engine Noises, and from Jason we have - Heaps Of Loud Disgusting Engine Noises. Come on Aussie come on!
HONDA: Had One Never Did Again; Hold On, 'Nother Dickhead Arriving; plus (and this is a true rarity among these acronyms) one that says something positive about the car - Happy Owners Never Drive Anything (else)
HYUNDAI: A bitter one - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive; and a clever one - Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside
ISUZU: It Sucks, Unless Zero Used
JAGUAR: Only one entry - Junk Always Going Under At Repair Shop. I've owned three Jaguars during my driving history, and I've always felt that they're the ideal car for a handyman, as long as he's handy with money!
JEEP: Once again, a bitter one - Junk Engineering Executed Poorly; and a clever one - Just Enough Engine Power
KIA: Kick It Again; Keep It Away; Kill It Anyway, and another - Kills Innocent Americans (thanks to weatherman824) Hmm - a certain commonality of theme here too. Not bad for a company with a name that sounds like Xena Warrior Princess' battle cry.
LOTUS: Only one entry, but it's a good one - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious. It's no coincidence that the acronym for the the Lotus Owners Of New York car club is LOONY!
MAZDA: Mostly Always Zipping Dangerously Along; Made After Zero Design Analysis. Z's are always hard to work into these things
MERCEDES: Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales
MG: By and large the Pommie brands cop a bit of a bucketing, and MG is no exception - Merciless Garbage; Money Guzzler; MG-B: Might Go Backwards; the new MG-F: Might Go Forwards
MINI: Moron Inside Notably Insane
MINIVAN: Manhood Is Nonexistent, I'm Vasectomized And Neutered. Thanks to Nolan R for that one
MITSUBISHI: Not the easiest of names to work with, but someone's had a go - Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete; and another - Motor Is Tough, Sounds Unbelievably Bad, Intimidates Slow Hondas Incessantly
MOPAR: Move Over, Professionals Are Racing, and thanks to Petey we also have Mostly Old Parts And Rust
NISSAN: Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now. You have been warned!
OLDSMOBILE: Someone worked hard on these - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday; and another - Old Ladies Drive Slow - Mostly Off Bridges Into Lake Erie!
PLYMOUTH: Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood!
PONTIAC: People On Narcotics Think It's A Cadillac
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoilt Children Having Everything. Can't argue with that one!
SAAB: Quite some bitterness here - Send Another Automobile Back; Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown; Start Adding Additional Brakefluid; Sad Attempt At Beauty. And you've got to say this with a California drawl - 'Yuppies don't cry, they just Saab'. LionsFootball61 sent me - SAAB: Still Ain't A Beamer and Slow As A Buick!
SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
SUV: Not a brand, I know, but most places are inundated with them - Selfish Useless Vehicles, SubUrban Vans, Stupid Ugly & Vain (thanks Michael T for all these)
SUZUKI: Space Usually Zero Unless Kids Inside
TORANA: Tons Of Rust And No Acceleration. And the SLR variant - Slightly Less Rust
TOYOTA: Some bitter ones here too, this time with a local flavour - Taking Our Yen Out Through Australia; The One You Ought To Avoid, They Overcharge You On Their Accessories, and Take Off Your Oversized Tires Asshole (thanks to Rob P for that one!)
TRIUMPH: A cry of depair from the heart here - This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help; and another - Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt! Someone speaking from first hand knowledge, by the sound of things!
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object; Very Old Lazy Vehicle Owner. These are just about all there are, barring variations on the same theme. Personally I thought there would be rich pickings in the Volvo genre, but perhaps the two Vs are a bit of a handicap.
VW: Very Weird; Virtually Worthless. Some literary
giant has also rummaged through the Roget's Thesaurus and
had a go at:
Want to add one of your own? Email to and send it over
©2002 - 2008 Duncan R Fry